The business of a Bellingham car (wannabe) thief

ignition Granted, Honda’s are one of, if not the, top cars stolen. This morning, my wife went down to our “secured” parking garage to find the ignition completely stripped. (Un)fortunately, the brute-force wannabe-thief didn’t get to steal the car because apparently he/she hasn’t read the local crime manual about stealing Hondas. I’m guessing they aren’t leaders in their industry (of stolen cars), because in our humble town, according to the police officer who I gave my report to, there has been a spree of 2-3 Hondas stolen PER DAY in our area for the past week or more. So, we just got vandalized for no reason because the idiot thief couldn’t figure out how to start an engine.

What a poser.

A Honda per day?! Seriously? And, it’s not in the press? Why don’t we, the loyal Honda owners, know about this?

door So, here’s how it happened. Doing a little detective work, I checked out the entrances to our supposed secured parking garage. I found the perp’s entry. They simply used a crowbar to spread the doorjam open enough to gain entry. Once they did that, they walked right past at least 10 cars that are at least 10 times as expensive as ours, took a handy-dandy screwdriver and had a party with our locks and ignition, and then left.

The (not so funny) thing is, not 4 spaces away is a Fararri. Before you even get to our space, there’s a Mustang, a suped up Ford 150, and a Porche. This just goes to prove that there’s a niche market for stolen cars that aren’t Hondas. If I was a thief, I’d go after the cool ones – the ones nobody else goes after.

But, since I’m not a thief, I just want to kick their asses inside out. Luckily, we have security cameras, so we’re watching the tapes today.

Mr. Thief, if you even know how to use the internet (though, you’re obviously not too bright), I have a message for you. Start running. I have no patience for people like you. I would love to find you before the police do and “watch you accidentally trip on the sidewalk” or something. Funny karma.

[tags]bellingham, honda, thief, crime, spree, steal, fairhaven, warning[/tags]

Nate Ritter lives in the Pacific Northwest (U.S.), popularized the #hashtag and creates web applications for a living. He also does miles and point hacking to enable cheap travel for his family. More here →

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